That’s what time it was when I came to the realization… the race is on. I was in a rush to get home from work because I wanted to see charleigh, and from the time I get home until the time she needs to be in bed, is exactly 4 hours.
In that time, I want to spend some quality time with her and the dogs. I also need to pump once, if not twice, wash the pump parts, feed the dogs, cook dinner, clean up from dinner, let the dogs out, feed charleigh once, if not twice, change her, pack my lunch for work the next day, pack milk storage bottles for the next day, laundry most days, I’d love to work out somewhere in there, and get ready for bed… maybe even wash my hair, and blow dry it if I’m lucky. I realized no matter how quickly I try to complete something, it’s still not buying me more time with her. I’ve had dinner that’s been microwaved three times, cold coffee that was once hot, streamlined every chore as much as possible, even skipped a couple some nights just to find more that needed to be done, more appointments on the calendar… how do you possibly buy time?! I know it’s a priceless question, and I think I know the answer, it’s just a lot easier said than done. I feel like the answer is to learn to find happiness in the race. Learn to love chores, love appointments and time schedules, and learn to accept what you have and what happened, rather than what you wanted and thought should happen. I realized I can’t stop time, but I can choose to stop letting things take me out of the now. I’m 30 years old, charleigh is almost two months, and I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, but I know who I want my daughter to be. I want her to be loving, caring, strong, honest, genuine, loyal, and kind and I no longer have time for things, people, and emotions that don’t allow me to show her how to be all of that.
