I was married and in my twenties. I hadn’t quite figured out who I was or what exactly it was I wanted to do. I figured after marriage you didn’t choose those things, they just sort of happened one crazy moment at a time. New cars, a house, a dog, and a baby? Years went by, jobs changed, and I still didn’t have a clue. One thing i knew for sure is I was not interested in having kids. I recognized moments where it seemed as though parenthood could be worth it, but I just couldn’t imagine another worry and another responsibility. I’ve always thought of myself as a practical or logical thinker and I figured if there are 24 hours in a day, you work 8-12 of them, are supposed to sleep for 6-8 of them… how in the actual hell are you going to effectively care for such a vulnerable little human being? And cook, and clean, and workout, and walk the dog, maintain relationships, and look like you attempted to get ready for the day… to me, it was easier to just decide “I’m never having kids”. What a lot of people don’t tell you, and if they do, you don’t understand until later, is that a lot happens leading up to your 30s. For me it was a mindset shift. I realized things don’t happen to you and you can in fact choose your life. I was divorced and felt like a failure and I hate nothing more than I hate failing. I had a plan and I wasn’t done with it yet, so how could it be possible? I was learning and growing at work, I joined the gym and found new friends who lead happy and healthy lifestyles which required discipline and commitment… I was starting to gain confidence and say no things that no longer made me happy… life was starting to feel like that moment when you go from jogging to a full run and it was great! All the while my marriage was slipping and I didn’t really notice. Shortly after I was 28 and living with a friend and my two dogs with no real plan except to work until i saved up enough for my own place. I felt so incredibly lost… I thought I was doing so good… maybe it was the way I started to look, or my time at the gym, or my healthy choices that caused it all to fail… after months of racking my brain I was tired of feeling sorry and tired. I got angry and motivated instead. I poured all my time into my dogs, working out, and work. I figured if I only spent my time doing productive things only good results would happen. My dogs still love me, I competed in a bodybuilding competition, and got a promotion at work, but now what? I was surrounded by positive and supportive family and friends who said to do whatever I wanted, whatever would make me happy? But what the hell is that???? Maybe I needed to date again? Feeling wanted should help right? I forgot how hard it would be to trust again so I built a wall and double layered it. Nobody was ever going to get through it or over it. Thankfully there are times where it’s great to be wrong. I met someone, my complete opposite, but someone who minute after after minute had chipped away at that wall all while I didn’t notice. I’m never moving in with someone again, okay fine, but no more piled on responsibilities… 3 more dogs later, okay fine, but I’m never letting myself feel vulnerable again, shortly after that, okay fine but I’m still definitely not having kids… and shortly after that, okay fine, but I’m never ever getting married again! That challenge is still pending. My point in the long boring ramble of the little glimpse of my life that is, is life doesn’t care what your plan is, it’s going to give you exactly what you never knew you wanted because everyday you are choosing it even if you don’t realize it. So choose wisely!